Taken from my balcony

Q&A Persistent Déjà Vu and Is This Normal?

The usual hatchling questions: Am I going insane? Is this normal? Am I the only one? WTF?

A reader shared an experience he had around 7 months ago, which brought on changes in the way he sees things. He’s 19, and I believe he had this experience while he was at the Electric Daisy Carnival. He writes:

Q: It’s still all so very new to me and I must admit VERY frightening. I was in a bathroom tripping when it all hit me, I felt my “spirit” come out of my body and as it was going out of me I was completely conscious of it. I was getting information rammed into my head so fast I couldn’t believe I was comprehending it. It was just crazy because they were all truths I could just feel were right.

I read an article about paradoxes and how they break the system. I could have sworn I saw my body, more specifically my head, attached to this computer screen…is that semi-common? And now I have these little red dots that appear in my vision that seem like little pin holes in the same 2×4 pattern. Also I read an article about how someone saw “code” overlaid on everything. I also can see this code if I focus on a blank white wall or something. Is this also normal?

My awakening has scarred me for lack of a better word I feel like, it’s really hard. I find myself having these messed up dreams. In my most recent one I focused on the code in the dream and as I turned to my friend sitting next to me he started glitching out and turned into me and then back to him super fast and the entire time there was a high pitched ringing. I find myself waking up multiple times a night when I used to sleep like a rock. Also I seem to have dejavu EXTREMELY often, like 100s of times a day if I focus on it.

I guess the reason I’m writing this is just to get more confirmation that what I’m going through is normal and that I’m not alone.. which I feel like I know is true, but I’m still so confused and feel so naked from it I’m sort of looking everywhere. My real question I suppose is; does it get any easier ever? I feel so broken and am searching to just grasp some sort of understanding of what happened.  – JJ

A: Well, do any of you resonate with this?

Not just the specific perceptions, like seeing the code, but feeling alone, confused and as the reader so poignantly stated, naked.

I’m really not enthusiastic about gurus or spiritual teachers or religious clubs, for so many reasons. It all goes pear shaped more often than not. But there are merits to traditions such as Buddhism and Advaita of working with teachers prior to awakening. It provides a container and context for the wild and disorienting experiences that can occur when you suddenly wake up. This is the original intention for these teacher/student initiatory paths, but these days you are not very likely to find the real deal.

In my experience, waking up is not hard to do. You don’t have to do a million prostrations or follow the Middle Path or chant or renounce anything. Waking up without going insane, handling your new state of being and generally not completely freaking out is another thing. That’s the real challenge, and while there are so many people, systems, cults, religions, programs etc., all claiming to possess the ability to wake you the *f* up, there’s not much help for you once you do.

JJ, you mentioned that you were “tripping”. I assume this is a turn of phrase and that you were not taking drugs. I know that taking ethneogens are in vogue, but I would strongly recommend that people take care and consider carefully whether this is really a good idea.

Getting information “rammed” into your head is a very common thing. This can happen when your crown chakra is jammed wide open. I know a lot of people think having open chakras is good and closed chakras are bad, but that’s not so. Just try going around with a jammed open crown chakra! This happened to me for years and I had to learn to close the damn thing.

When we think of information, it is voluminous. Meaning, if you wanted to gain information on a topic, you would have to consume a large quantity of sequential data bits, like reading several books on anatomy so that you gain an understanding of the subject. You might also go to lectures or attend dissections. You need to use your five sense organs to sequentially gain information.

That’s only the case in this plane of reality. It’s what we call learning. But there is also another way of gaining information, which I’ll call knowing. This is instantaneous. In some cases, you just know things. In other cases, the knowing, or essence, comes through your crown chakra and then you decompress that data over time.

One thing to be aware of though is that all kinds of entities or collectives of entities would love to jam data into your head. It’s not like you open your crown chakra and only angels and buddhas can drop you a line. Part of stabilizing is to learn to control how open you are at any moment and to be discerning about who is dumping a package through your slot. So at first, this can be amazing and you suddenly know all these truths, but please understand that after this initial stage of opening, you also need to learn to close it.

This is not about instilling fear. I have never had anything rammed into my head that was harmful, though I imagine that this is possible. And this means of gaining intel is not just about spiritual awakening. People who are Ultra Sensory get information this way as well, and I did long before my awakening. But it can just be too much. You cannot focus on the life in front of you if you are constantly online with all these other beings trying to communicate with you. And not all the information given is even relevant or meaningful to you.  It’s like the internet: you connect, you get what is important and meaningful to you and then you go live your life. It’s the push and the pull of information. You should be the one pulling what is desired and relevant, you should not be passively getting information pushed onto you. Yes, it’s all computer terms I’m using, but I hope it makes sense to everyone.

I don’t know if seeing code is normal, but I did see code exclusively, and now I still do, though it is something I only see if I focus on it, or sometimes it is sort of a shadow within and interpenetrating phenomena. I think the ancients would have called it something else and pictured it as something else because they had a different framework and lexicon. I think a sixty year old will probably not think of it as code, but call it something else. But for those of us who are acclimated to computing culture, this is our framework and we easily draw parallels between the inner workings of reality and computers and the internet. Do we actually see “code”? Does this mean we are all programs and that reality is a computer program? No, I don’t think so. But it’s easy for us to use these ready made frameworks to interpret and express our experiences.

You are having strange dreams. That’s not surprising. Déjà vu is something I used to experience pretty much all day, every day for years. After a few years, it stopped. So yes, I’ve definitely had this experience. Is it normal? Don’t know…but I can assure you that you are not the only one. I also stopped sleeping through the night. In fact, for many years my sleep patterns were, well, unpatterned. I never knew when I would be sleeping or awake and I never slept through the night solidly. I would wake up several times each night and have these intense experiences. Sometimes I needed to sleep sixteen hours, sometimes four. It was completely unpredictable.

My advice to you is this:

Take care of yourself. You are really sensitive and may be for a while. You’re a guy, so this may not be the best way to express this, but I’ll try. Imagine a woman who is pregnant. She becomes very mindful and careful about everything in her environment. She avoids crap food, crap people, crap mindstates and any kind of physical, mental or emotional pollution. And yes, I’m idealizing pregnant women because we all know they are not perfect! But if you can think of yourself this way, it will help you create a safe, clear and calm space around you, and this will support you as you go through changes. Be mindful and discerning about the space around you so that you can be open, naked, vulnerable if you need to be. Create a sanctuary for yourself to go through these changes.

Secondly, most people will not understand what you are going through. It’s okay. They can’t help it. Don’t expect them to. Just because the people in your immediate surroundings don’t understand you doesn’t mean that you are alone or that you are the only one going through this stuff. A lot of us are.

Lastly, you can notice the changes, wonder at them, freak out a bit, but ultimately, don’t let yourself get too caught up with the weird stuff. What I mean by this is that all kinds of weird things can appear. We see it, we investigate it, but we don’t need to identify with it or give it too much meaning. It’s going to keep changing, JJ. And sometimes it will change really fast. Try to find your center of gravity, your seat, your throne, or whatever. The place in the center where you can see all the crazy flying around you, but where you are so grounded that you are not going to get swept away by it.

The more you can stay centered and grounded, the easier it will get. If you read through this website you will see that I have experienced some class A crazy! But I’m fine. And things are still really weird and changing all the time, but I’ve found that I can still be stable within that. And this is just a process, finding that stability in the midst of crazy weird stuff that no one around you understands or has experienced.

I’ll be writing a lot more about this in future posts. For now, I just want to say to JJ and to all of you…we are not alone! Suddenly becoming Ultra Sane actually feels a lot like going insane, but it can get easier and does get easier and you may suck at it at first, but you will get better at it. Take good care of yourselves.

And a special thanks to JJ for allowing me to share his experience with all of you. It does really help when we hear from each other. It’s one thing for me to write what happened to me on this website, but I’m just one person. It’s all your voices, your experiences and your accounts that help to fill in the gaping blanks. Hearing the experiences of others can make this unknown terrain a little less scary.

image: the moon, taken from my balcony

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